didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
