im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
