idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
