Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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