You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
