I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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