Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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