After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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