3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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