Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
