if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
