She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
