He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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