It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
