loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Randomize
