If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
