Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Dick very happy bro
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
