dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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