the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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