So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize