You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
