1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
