Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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