this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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