I am spending my child support on dildos
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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