Someone shit on the floor
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
