"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm passing your future prison.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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