Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
