I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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