I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize