It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
