it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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