Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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