I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
