Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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