i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
