found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
