Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
