this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Pants are for mortals
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
