I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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