I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
