Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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