part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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