im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
