yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
