things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
