one two three fourrrrnication!
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
