look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
