I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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