Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
