if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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