He kissed a someone with a penis
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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