Small penises have feelings too.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
