Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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