Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
