I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
