Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
