was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
