I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Also, beer. Big fan.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
