I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
