I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
