when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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