oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Dignity is for republicans.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
