is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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